In lieu of the (in)famous Skippy’s List (of things you cannot do in the US Army).
Just to make this clear: This is not a serious post. This is for laughs and humour. Do not take it as an actual guide.
This post is split into three sections: Character Specific, PRT Style and General. While the character specific section contains some examples with characters from the original Pokeumans series, if you don’t recognise the characters it mentions feel free to skip to the sections after it.Character Specific:
- Cameron Stevens is not allowed to taunt his companions about being the only fully evolved Pokeuman in their group.
- Jack is not allowed to invent anything smarter than he is.
- Danny is not allowed to quote the ‘I swear when I evolve I’m going to kill you all’ meme.
- Stuart Gordon is not God’s gift to women.
- Max is not allowed to complain that a ten-year-old girl has a higher rank than he does.
- Starting a betting pool on how long Cameron Stevens can go without making a new enemy is tasteless and tacky, regardless of how much money it makes.
The same goes for Brandon in relation to the forces of evil.
- Do not take out a life insurance policy on Brandon Chan.
- Milton, Scott and Nat are not to be referred to as ‘Team Rocket’.
- Under no circumstances ask Sakato Hanaturo who died and made him boss.
- Lizzy and Luke are not known as Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
Neither are Mike-Left and –Right.
- Sending Louie to the far side of the base telling him he’ll find an amazing scoop there is only funny once.
- It is a bad idea to tell Sakato that he takes himself too seriously.
- Do not ship BrandonXAsula, no matter how cute/funny you may think it is.
- Just because Pokeumans do not wear clothes does not mean that everyone that Louie takes photos of for his reporting is ‘posing nude’.
- Voices from netherworld may not contradict any of Dustin’s direct orders.
- Do not shout ‘HAX!’ every time you see Tyler Keith the shiny Azelf.
- Do not ask Austin Keith to age-progress to an adult and get him to buy alcohol for you.
- Do not refer to the Deino twins as ‘bookends’.
- Sakato is not trying to become as fast as he can ‘to compensate for something’.PRT Style:
- ‘Operation Find The Headteacher’s Hidden Booze Stash’ is not a real mission, no matter what Max tells you.
- The PRT has a Psychics unit specialising in memory erasure. Commander Cuczoff has heard every possible joke about them being the Men In Black, and is getting quite tired of them.
And no, that isn't a challenge.
- ‘A series of highly strenuous psychological profiling tests’ are not part of the process for joining any PRT unit or Elite Four, regardless of what mood Rikuto the Lucario is in.
- Commander Cuczoff of the PRT is not known as ‘Dad’.
- Ghost-type recruits are not ‘interred’ into the PRT. They are ‘enrolled’, the same way everyone else is.
- When making official PRT negociations with Extinctionists for the release of hostages, you are not allowed to say ‘Ah, keep them. We didn’t like those guys much anyway.’
Neither are you allowed to volunteer other members of your PRT team for them to take hostage as well.
- The PRT do not need matching uniforms.
Or spandex superhero outfits.
- 'Master Chief’ is not an official PRT rank.
- Items on Skippy’s List are not to be tested to see if they apply to the PRT as well. Assume they do unless noted otherwise.
- ‘Pillaging’ is not an active phase of a PRT operation.
And never will be.
- On PRT retrieval missions, asking ‘Are we there yet?’ repeatedly will not go down well. That goes double if you’re the actual retriever.
- You cannot have traumatic flashbacks to battles you were not in.
- Commander Cuczoff’s first name is not actually ‘Commander’.
- The correct way to begin a PRT debriefing is ‘It is very important that we understand what went wrong in the last mission to avoid future mistakes’, not ‘So, whose turn was it to carry the Idiot Ball this week?’General:
- New students are not to be introduced in Battle Class as the fresh meat.
- The Legendary Pokemon did not ‘rage quit’ our dimension.
- It is not funny to taunt Pokeumans with no arms by offering a high five.
- It is not funny to taunt Pokeumans with arms but no fingers by offering a high one.
- The words ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ are not to be uttered ever.
- It is inappropriate and disrespectful to refer to Celebi as ‘the magic plant pixie gal’.
Or Fairy Hedgehog.
While describing Dialga as the Lord of Time is suitable, accompanying this with the Doctor Who theme is not.
Girantina should not be referred to as ‘Typhon’, ‘Shuma-Gorath’ or ‘Arceus’ creepy evil twin’.
- It is hereby noted that the majority of Steel-types are not fluent in binary.
- The following are not official Pokemon attacks: nutting, groin kicks, One-Inch Punch, clawing at eyes, pressure point stabbing, kicking in the shins, the Shoryuken.
- Regular application of Poison Powder does not help you acquire the Immunity Ability, and new students should not be informed that it does.
- Porygons by themselves do not have access to Google. Do not assume they do.
- Jigglypuffs are not bouncy balls.
- Neither are Voltorbs.
- Natural-born Pokeuman students should not be informed that humans are ten-foot-tall, breath fire and suck blood that they convert into toxic poisons.
- ‘Don’t worry, this works in the games/anime’ is not an acceptable justification for a battle strategy.
- Magneto was not a hero to us all.
- It is not fair to tell any Golett or Porygon students that ‘This statement is a lie’.
- Ghost-type students should not tell others that they can see the Grim Reaper, and that he is standing nearby tapping an hourglass impatiently.
Especially to Brandon Chan.
- Male Milotics, Bellossoms, Lopunnys and Gardevoirs are not to be referred to as ‘bishies’ or ‘pretty boys’.
- No-one is to shout ‘IMMA FIRIN MA LAZOR!!’ before using Hyper Beam.
- Grass type students eating vegetables is not cannibalism.
- A Pokeuman form is not a Patronus.
- ‘For Science!’ is not an acceptable justification to carry out any plan of action.
Neither is ‘Eh, why not?’
- The Long Island base is not affiliated with H.I.V.E.
- Mismagius weighs 4.4 kg. Ducklett weighs 5.5 kg. Monty Python was wrong. Deal with it.
- The correct term is ‘evolving’, not ‘Taking a level in badass’.
Even if they do.
- Telling new students that as a Pokemon they can be captured in Poke Balls and forced to do their owner’s bidding is just cruel.
- Zoroarks are not werewolves.
And cannot be killed by the application of silver.
The only possible exception being Silver Wind.
- Ghost-type students are not allowed to harass teachers on Christmas Eve, especially not in groups of three.
- The wild haggis is not an as-yet-unannounced species of Pokemon.
Missingno. does not exist.
- Eating lots of candy does not ‘raise your level.’
Gummy treats do not raise your IQ.
- The base infirmary is not known as the ‘Care Of Magical Creatures Department.’
- Meetings with Asula should not be started ‘Look, I can explain.’
- Fighting Talk was non-canonical. Characters may not brag about beating Mr. X, Brandon or Zane the Hydreigon until it has happened within the confines of their own series.Update ACharacter Specific:
- PX-207's name is a Pokextinction ID number. He is not, as he claims, 'An Android built for World Domination.' (EddyXS’ appendix)
- It is not funny to tell Moe that there will be cake and grief counseling available later.
- The Grim Reaper did not let Zane return because she has a crush on him.
- Do not buy Mr. Gamlina a flea collar, even if he does find it helpful.
[[- Just because Headmaster Arthur was based on the Gym Leader Burgh does not mean he is 'fabulous'.
- It is inappropriate to call Maxine 'Femboar'. ]](xXunovianXx’s appendices) PRT Style:
- Do not ask Commander Cuzcoff who 'the special Accelgor' was. (XxunovianxX’s appendix)
- Do not refer to Trainees as cannon fodder.General:
[[- Psychic types are not allowed to sell ‘fortunes’ to students.
- Do not taunt or offer vague threats to Pokeumans that, in the games, your species eats.
- Singing the Batman theme song when entering an underground base is so 90s. And has gotten old by now.
- Don't brag about having a Dream Messenger. Trust me, almost everyone has one and it's no longer impressive.]] (Solomansky’s appendices)
- Do not claim to just be visiting for a crossover.
In fact don’t break the Fourth Wall, period.
- Goletts do not run on ‘Phlebotinum’.
- Without going into unnecessary and unfortunate detail, be very careful who you whistle Daft Punk’s ‘Human After All’ around.
- The base musical society will not be performing ‘The Pirates of Pacifidlog’. Stop asking.
‘Donut: The Musical’ is not a real stage performance.
[[- It is not funny to take the Trubbish students out with the trash.
- Being a Ditto does not give you the right to turn into a Groudon and terrorize the students.
- Ghost Pokéumans may not peep in the showers.
- It is not okay to chase the Joltik students with a magnifying glass.
- Just because you can't die in battle doesn't mean you won't die jumping off a cliff.
- Dont assume all Pokéumans can cook.
- Pouring water into the lava baths isn't funny.
- Riding on the back of a quadrupedal Pokéuman without their permission is discouraged.
Shouting ‘Tally ho! Onward, Quicksilver!’ as you do so, while not actually against the rules, is not going to help your chances much.
- Just because you can breathe fire or fly does not mean you can post it on YouTube.
- ‘Because he was looking at me naked’ is no longer an excuse to get someone in trouble.
- Don't ask where the washrooms are because trust me; nobody knows.]] (Pokemonmanic3595’s appendices)
- Deadpool was not a hero to us all.
- [[Do not ship Commander Cuczoff with Asula, even – in fact, particularly – if you are in the PRT.
- Do not call Asula ‘Mum’.
Do not call Mew ‘Grandpa’.
- Vanniluxes are not to be licked and tasted.
Unless attacked by the move Lick.]] (xXunovianXx’s appendices)Update BCharacter Specific:
- Not a rule, merely a warning: There are some people like Shade the Terrainian or Zane Donovan whose minds are better off just not being read. They’ve seen some stuff that can’t be unseen, no matter how much they (or you) may want to. (Bunnyman14’s appendix)
- Do not pressure John the Dewott to shrink you: he shrinks whoever he wants. (Jd02022092’s appendix)PRT Style:
- When infiltrating a Pokextinction Base, do not attempt to blend in with the brainwashed Pokeumans by acting like a zombie. Trust me, we lost a lot of good agents that way. (TheTigressWithin’s appendix)
- When attacking a Pokextinction Base, the phrase 'LEEROY JENKINS!!' is strictly banned. (Kabocho’s appendix)
As is any reference to ‘All your base are belong to us’. (Megaman0591’s appendix)
- Don’t think you’ll be fine until you encounter the bullet with your name on it. There are plenty of bullets out there marked ‘To Whom It May Concern’.General:
- Do not make Pokeumans like Solrock and Lunatone confused by informing them that the base is on Daylight Savings Time.
- Kecleon students are not allowed to set their natural camoflague on ‘strobe’.
- Regardless of what the PokeDex says about Pawniard armies, Bisharps are not allowed to press gang younger students into doing tasks for them.
Especially if they aren’t Pawniards.
- Pokeumans are different to normal people due to an unexpected genetic mutation which resulted in them having special and powerful abilities. They live in secluded communities where they are instructed by others of their kind on how to use these abilities safely and properly.
For frick's sake, this does not make you a member of the X-Men. (EddyXS appendix)
On a similar note, Pokeumans are more resistant and recover quicker from harm than humans do. Stop referring to this as your healing factor.
- The following items do not exist, and new students should not be sent to fetch them: elbow grease, headlamp fluid, Heal Bell tuning-forks, a Cell Battery recharger, right-handed screwdrivers, prescription Wise Glasses, TMs for Fire, Ice or Thunder Punch (which haven’t been TMs for 3 Generations now).
- Just because they are both big, green and angry does not require comparisons between Tyranitars and the Incredible Hulk.
Actually, you know what, it’s funny. We’ll let this one slide.Update CCharacter Specific:
- Cameron Stevens is not to look for new legal systems to frustrate.
- If it makes Mike the Ditto snigger for longer than 30 seconds, it’s not allowed. Even if it was before.
[[- Do not say anything negative about Hawaiian pizza around Gen the Herdier.
For your own safety, do not say anything positive about Hawaiian pizza around Gen the Herdier either.
It’s probably a good idea just to not be around Gen the Herdier.
- Telling Scott the Sunflora to go away, or just go anywhere, is not appropriate or funny.
Neither is calling him a waste of space.
Or using him as a training dummy (without his permission).]] (Pfaccioxx’s appendices)
[[- Just because Isaac the Lucario happens to have a young Riolu apprentice does not mean he is trying to copy Brandon.
-And speaking of Isaac: putting on his bandana and pretending to be him is really
not funny.]] (IHMH1464’s appendices)General:
- Should a natural-born student be required to use a humanizing ring, the importance of wearing clothes is to be explained before
the ring is applied. Please.
- Thunderbolt attacks cannot be set to ‘stun’.
- Do not try and declare your base a sovereign nation.
- Do not try and declare your dormitory a sovereign nation.
- Do not do the thing with the lollipop within the sight of any member of staff ever again.
- Do not ask a Whiscash student to say an earthquake is coming so you can get out of class. (FungusInfection’s appendix)
- Pranks that involve use of the move Explosion will not go down well, regardless of any other rules or factors.
[[ - Even if you have powers that are unusual for a Pokeuman, that does still not make you a superhero.
Although it does tend to make you a protagonist, which is pretty close. (My own addition)
- Never, ever, EVER sing 83 verses of ‘I know a song that’ll get on your nerves’.
Do not encourage Mike to sing 83 verses of ‘I know a song that’ll get on your nerves’.
- Just because Mew resembles a newborn mouse does not mean you can call him ‘Pinkie’, even if it is a technical term.]] (Outcast15’s appendices)
Bonus round! Things Not To Do In A Pokextinction Base
(Note: This is presumably for a base where the kids still have free will)
- Do not use the unsupervised lab equipment to experiment on yourself.
- Do not use the unsupervised lab equipment to experiment on a friend, even if they consent and think it would be well cool.
- Do not take a nap in the brainwashing machine.
- Mindy is not still upset about the time a farmhouse landed on her sister.
Because it didn’t happen, not because she doesn’t care.
- Do not sign up for a risky experiment procedure and then shout and cry to opt out again. If you don’t want to do it, don’t sign up. Chances have it there’ll be some schmuck who’ll actually think it would be a good idea to do it for some unknown reason.
- Do not mail/e-mail copies of ‘The Evil Overlord List’ to base Commanders or high-ranked members of Pokextinction.
- Do not brag about how the brainwashing didn’t work on you, and then when others rebuke you say ‘Ah, seems you weren’t so lucky’.
- If you are capable of transformation (that is, Dittos or Zoroarks), do not turn into a Mewtwo and try and dish out orders. Even if you get away with it at first, it will
come back to get you in the end.
- FedEx, Amazon and other delivery companies are not privately owned by Pokextinction so that they abduct transformees. Stop generating unnecessary paranoia.
- Mr. X’s problem is not that ‘he needs to get laid’.
- Do not do the thing with the lollipop within the sight of any member of staff ever again.
- Do not steal canisters of the purple knock-out gas carried by field operatives and disguise them as deodorant cans.
- Do not fake mind erasure. It's not as funny as you think it is.
- It is forbidden to address Mr. X as ‘Mein Furher’ or 'Honorable Chairman'. (TheTigressWithin’s appendix)
- Do not attempt to edit the list of Things Not To Do In A Pokeumans Base.Update D:
(Guess what the first update after the release of Gen VI was!)PRT Style
- Klingon is not sufficient code for sending confidential PRT messages.
- Anyone found quoting anything from The Seventy Maxims Of Maximally Effective Mercenaries will be docked a week’s pay.
Anyone found demonstrating
anything from The Seventy Maxims Of Maximally Effective Mercenaries will be docked a month’s pay.General
- Inappropriate names for Honedges, Doublades or Aegislashs: Excalibur, Sting/Glamdring, Rebellion/Yamato, Vorpal, Anaklusmos/Riptide, etc etc.
[[- Sticking your head into the hole in a Shedinja’s back is pretty stupid. At best, they have grounds for assault. At worst, your soul gets sucked out.
- Juggling Pokemon Eggs – bad idea.
- Having the Intimidate Ability does not automatically make you a super-tough badass.
- Likewise, just because some has the Ability Run Away doesn’t mean they are a coward.
- The Dimensional Gems are not paperweights.
- Epic skills in the Pokemon games does not translate directly to epic skills in real life.
Although it is a good start.
- Do not call up the Ghostbusters on any Ghost-type students.
On that note, Haunters cannot ‘slime’ people.
- Just because you’re in the Dream Dimension does not mean you can just do what you like.
Yes, Cameron Stevens, I’m looking at you. (My own addition)
- Telling Fire types to ‘Cool off’ or ‘Chill’ got old a long time ago.
- Sticking your head in the mouth of pretty much any Pokeuman larger than you is a bad idea.
- Do not try and butter your toast with a Ditto.
- The PokeDex is not 100% accurate. We shouldn’t have to explain this one any further.
- Using Rock Smash on a Geodude – bad idea.
- Saying ‘Ewwwwww!’ every time you see a Cubchoo is considered rude.
As is holding your breath as you pass Poison types.
- Not all Pokeumans that are bigger than you are overweight.]] (Pfaccioxx’s appendices)
[[- Do not ask Delphoxes who you're going to marry in the future.
- Plenty of Klefki have already heard the 'JINGLE JINGLE MUTHAFUKA" jokes to a breaking point. Please don't.
- Running around while dragging a Greninja by the tounge is not funny whatsoever.]] (XxunovianxX’s appendices)
Also, they’ve heard plenty of jokes about Rose from Street Fighter.
- Do not dare students to see how many uses of Metronome they can do before they Explode themselves.
Definitely don’t try and challenge your high score.
- It is not appropriate or correct, when informed that a particular species or person is a Dark type, to reply ‘that’s racist’.
- Do not shake Inkays upside-down shouting ‘Evolve, dammit!’
- Even if you are, say, a Bisharp or Gallade, the fact that you have things resembling hidden blades literally growing out of your arms does NOT mean you were born to be a Master Assassin.
As such, "Assassinate" is not a move, and should not be attempted in a battle. Just think of all the paperwork everyone would have to do. (IHMH1464’s appendix)
- Any more jokes along the line ‘Marowaks do it with their bone’ or similar will
get you a detention.Update ECharacter Specific:
- Cameron Taylor is not a ‘little brown Yoshi’. On that note, stop trying to ride him with a saddle. (Ampharosisawesome’s appendix)
[[- Lavana was not named after the Dim Sun admin from Pokemon Ranger.
Don’t ask if she has a Miniramo, you wouldn’t like it even if she did.
- Do not torture Onym with the prospect and/or withholding of gems. Antagonised Sableyes are not fun to be around, mentally unstable ones even more so.
- If Onym says he has a plan, the correct response is not ‘Everyone kiss your ass goodbye.’]] (Hunter1254’s appendicies)PRT Style:
Do not try and infiltrate Pokextinction in an empty cardboard box. Just because it works for Solid Snake doesn’t mean that it will work for you. (Tigerflower1999’s appendix)General:
- For goodness’ sake learn what species you are. And if you don’t know then don’t guess, and don’t make one up.
[[ - Do not make your Dewott friend slice fruit in mid-air for your amusement, no matter how funny you think it is.
Nor can you launch bird Pokemon on giant slingshots.
Don't even bother with making a giant slingshot.
- Never question the logic of Pokeumans. EVER.]] (xX-Unovian-Xx’s appendices.)
- Forget the Ninetales and Delphoxes, everyone
is getting tired of the ‘What does the fox say?’ jokes. (Pokerose 2000’s appendix)
- Do not swap a Braixen’s stick and a Farfetch’d’s leek just for the heck of it. They won’t find it as funny as you do.
- Giovanni was not a hero to us all.
- Steel-types cannot be harmed by Poison-type attacks. That doesn’t mean you can eat/drink random things you find lying around for the hell of it.
- It is true that as a Pokeuman no-one is able to recognise anyone else by appearance. This does not give you the right to claim that you are a famous celebrity and impersonate them.
[[- Fletchlings, Fletchinders and Talonflames are not called Phoenix.
- Don’t go complaining about which species got Mega Evolutions and which ones didn’t. It’s not like they won a raffle for them or something.
- It’s probably a bad idea to harass any member of the Bisharp, Aegislash or any other species family with sharp spikes. It’s not very pretty if it goes wrong.]] (Pokemonman1357’s appendices)
- Mega Voice is not a Fus Ro Da, no matter how far you can blow someone back with it.
On that note, Aura Sphere is not also known as the Hadouken. (Megaman0591’s appendix)
- Hoothoot and Noctowl students are really starting to get sick of being asked how many licks it takes to get to the centre of a tootsie roll. (FungusInfection’s appendix)
- Do not invent medical conditions.
- Do not claim said conditions are ‘very rare, and only apply to my species’. Especially if you’re trying to use them to get the afternoon off.
- Just because you can’t pronounce someone’s species (or name) does not mean you can call them what you like.
- No matter how cool it may sound, trying to get a Clawlitzer to shoot Voltorbs out of its claw is not
a good idea.
While we’re on the subject, neither is Voltorb bowling. (Outcast15’s appendix)
- Do not hook up a Dedenne to your TV and twiddle its whiskers to try and access new channels. (Poketflicker’s appendix)
- Do not ask Golurks when they will be returning to the Master Mold.
- Being a Shiny Bidoof is not ‘the equivalent of being the head of a home school’.
- Stop asking Dragon types ‘So, how’s the whole Jigglypuff thing working out for you then?’
- Professor Moriarty does not teach at Long Island.Update F:Character Specific:
- Do not walk past Brandon and Starr as they’re talking and shout ‘Just kiss already!’
- Do not use Psychic to attack Britney the Espeon with a lamp. (DarkSoulAngel2001’s appendix)
- Reggie is not anyone’s ‘sugar daddy’.
- Commander Cuczoff is not anyone’s ‘sugar daddy’.
- Never, ever correct Sakato Hanaturo about anything.
- Do not remind Kaysi Evans that ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’.
- Mike is not allowed to perform any song that starts out ‘harmless enough’.PRT Style
- The following words and phrases are never to be used over communication devices on an active operation ever again: “Exploring sexuality”, “Smogonfag”, “It’s gettin’ hot in herr”, “Kawaii”, “I hate everyone on this mission and wish they’d die in an explosion”, “Fricking laser beams”, “Folder crisis”, “Sexual lubricant”, “Cartoon physics”, “Sand Veil Garchomp”, reference to Wallace’s giant stash of weed, any mention of squid. (Does anyone want to suggest any more banned comms phrases?)
- Strip searches are not necessary.
- Humanised undercover operatives are allowed to antagonise the press.
- Humanised undercover operatives are not allowed to play up to the paranoid fantasies of members of the public.General:
- Stop asking Psychic types how magnets work.
- Stop asking Steel types how magnets work.
- Not every Ariados is known as Charlotte.
[[- Male Lopunnies and Gardevoirs are not to be nicknamed "Rule 63's."
- "I've seen enough hentai..." jokes around Pokeumans with tentacles are not funny. Seriously.
- A battle between a ghost-type and a grass-type is not to be referred to as "IRL Plants versus Zombies."
- Do not attempt to matchmake or ship a Pikachu and Buneary. Especially
if they've both watched the Pokemon anime.
- Do not attack ghost-type pokemon with Thunder and scream "IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE!"
On a side note, do not try to use Thunder attacks to create an ominous background for anything.
- Do not
try to use a fishing pole to feed fish-based Pokeumans.
- For the love of Arceus, do NOT call Ice/Fire/Thunder Punch your "b*tch slap."
Also, the Wrap attack should not be referred to as a "Tentacle Glomp."
- Under no circumstances attempt to use a Snorlax's belly as a trampoline.
- Just because you are a Ghost-type does not give you an excuse to haunt people.
And watching people when they sleep is creepy regardless of type.
- Zubats and Crobats are not vampires, nor are they to be referred to as "Alucard's cousins."
The next person to call themselves a Belmont and start beating up ghost-types with a whip will not be rescued.
- Being a bat-based pokeuman does not make you Batman. Ever.
- The plumbing of an underwater base does not
lead into the pipes for fish-based Pokeumans. It wasn't funny the first time, it wasn’t funny the second time.
- Do not call Ponytas or Rapidashes "bronies" or "pegasisters" unless actual evidence is presented.
- "Mean Look" and "Rape Face" are two different things and are not interchangeable.
- Using Stun Spore or Sleeping Powder is not the same as getting someone high. The PRT is getting really tired of this.
On a side note, Attract is not a date-rape drug.
- The next person to place their lunch tray in front of the nearest Trubbish or Garbodor will be asked to retrieve it.
- Spraying the Bug-type dorms with Raid is NOT FUNNY.
Leaving a pile of fertilizer in the grass-type dorms is not funny either
Nor is it funny to leave a pile of gravestones in the ghost-type dorms. Seriously, that's just cruel.
- Just because your friend is an electric-type does not make them your personal IT consultant. Many a laptop has been broken because of this stupid theory.
- Hitting an evolving Pokeuman with a sign marked "B-button" is not funny, ever.
- If it turns out that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Pokeuman, even a Steel-type, you still can’t call him the T-1000.]] (TheEeveeWarrior’s appendices - who was clearly very busy)
- When you someone tells you they are a Normal type, the correct response is not ‘Ouch, that must suck’.
- When given an instruction by a member of faculty or staff, do not shout ‘You don’t have enough badges to train me!’ and march away.
- No-one wants to see what you can do with an Iron Ball, a Destiny Knot and a pack of Chesto Berries. That is, see it again
Or the one with the cleaning rod and six rounds of blanks.
- Jokes about bacon and fried chicken are vastly inappropriate around Tepigs and Torchics, for obvious reasons. (TorchicOfTheSky’s appendix)
- In addition to the rule about not shooting objects out of a Clawlitzer’s pincer, this rule also extends to Rhyperiors.
Just don’t do it, ok? (Outcast15’s appendix)
- The activation of Mega Evolution is not to be accompanied by any of the following:
‘By the power of Grayskull!’
‘Well, now you’re screwed.’
‘I’m gonna get medieval on your ass!’
‘Now I'm going to start actually trying!.’
(For any Ampharos) ‘That’s it, I’m gonna FABULOUS you to death!’
‘Behold! My true form is unleashed!’
Or just screaming really, really loudly.
[[- If in doubt, remember these words: Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
- It isn’t funny to mess with a sleeping Snorlax.
Or very safe.
- Do not use Future Sight to obtain test answers.]](Solomansky’s appendices. The following black bullet points on this one are my own.)
Do not use Future Sight to obtain lottery numbers.
Do not use Future Sight and then tell people you saw them die horrifically in a week’s time.
Even if you did, because people don’t tend to react well to that kind of thing.
Do not prophesy the end of the world, more than once.Update G:
(Audience participation special!)Character Specific
[[- Do not, under any circumstances, accept the 'noble task' of reading Gen the Herdier's literary works.
Never describe the aforementioned literary works as 'fanfiction'.
- Do not refer to John the Shiny Ho-Oh as either 'Shiny' or 'Ho-Oh' if you value your hearing.
Calling him 'Special' is generally viewed as suicidal.]] (Spoonerdog123’s appendices)PRT Style:
[[- To Zoroarks: using illusions to "summon" things into the middle of a battle is not convincing to most Pokextinction agents.
Unless it's a cardboard box to hide in. For some reason, that one works perfectly.
- The proper answer to "How much firepower do we need to rescue a Pokeuman?" is not "ALL OF IT."
As is ‘more dakka’. Any use of the phrase ‘And if that don’t work, use more gun’ will get your license revoked. (My own addition)
- For the love of Arceus, do not
leave an emergency map of the base ten feet from the base's prison block.
The same goes for keycards, keys, classified documents, and so on. Seriously, whoever keeps doing that, please stop.
- Further things not to be uttered over the radio: "Tactical cuteness activate!", "FPP (Flamethrower-Propelled Pokeuman)", "Weaponized stupidity", "Improvised brain surgery", "Evil evilness of evil", "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!", "How does one combat?", "Hey, watch this!", "*maniacal laughter*", "Where's my ID?", "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!"]] (TheEeveeWarrior’s appendices)
- Further things not to be uttered over the radio: “Get to da Charizard!”, “Stupid OU tier”, “Aim for the Pokeballs!” (Spoonerdog123’s appendix)General
[[- An extinguisher is not a suitable weapon to combat Fire types with.
- Shaving Furfrous is not appreciated.
- Phiones are not Legendaries, and are therefore not entitled to the worship of others.]] (Pfaccioxx’s appendices)
Respectful tribute to Keldeo does not come in the form of watching My Little Pony.
- The superficial resemblance between Mega Tyranitar and Godzilla is not cause to send the stadium into panic. (Smi018’s appendix)
[[- Do not ask if Ash Ketchum was based on a Pikachu Pokeuman.
- Luxrays are not to use their X-Ray vision to explore people’s personal items.
- Do not make fun of Houndooms, Arcanines etc, even if you did
spot them chasing their own tail.
Same goes for cat-like Pokeumans.]] (Tomhur’s appendices.)
[[- Don’t ask Ghost types how old they were when they died, it’s not funny.
- No-one knows what Carbink are supposed to be, not even Carbinks, so don’t waste everyone’s time.
- Do not try and force three Magnemite together to trigger an evolution.
- Don’t comment about how you slept like a log last night around species with Insomnia ability.
- Weight gain caused by transformation is not an excuse to eat like a pig.
- ‘Team Jacob’ jokes around Mightyenas (or ‘Team Edward’ jokes around Shinys) haven’t been cool since 2010.
- Messing around with cocoon species like Metapod and Spewpa because they can’t fight back, is a sin that later carries its own punishment.
- The management thanks people for no longer shouting ‘Hadouken!’ when using Aura Sphere, and request that it is not replaced with ‘Kamehameha!’
Even in the context of aura reading, the use of ‘power levels’ is not appreciated.
Especially not to be uttered in the same breath as the phrase ‘Over 9000!’
- No-one is to claim to be another Pokeuman’s trainer. No-one. Even if they haven’t finished transforming.
- Trying to melt Ice students will
result in detention.]] (Pokemonmanic3595’s appendices)
- No matter how cute it was Pokemon-Amie, people will not appreciate having balls of yarn thrown at their head. (Storymwing’s appendix)
- [[Do not call Vulpix and Fenniken ‘Mozilla Firefox’.
- Spitting is not ‘basically the same’ as Water Gun. ]] (Niv3’s appendices)
- [[Note to Chespins: You probably think you’re the first to sing ‘Bulletproof’ mid-fight. Believe us, you aren’t.
Also, it probably doesn’t apply to real bullets.
- Do not use Trick or your Magician ability to steal people’s property.
- Double Team is not shadow-clone Jutsu.]] (Nickvenom21’s appendices)
[[- Do not try and decorate Chirstmas Trevenants.
- Do not hang mistletoe on floating Pokemon.
- Do not force a Litwick to sit on the table during a romantic date.
Do not dare a Litwick to sit on the table during a romantic date.
- Attract and Captivate are not easy aids for flirting.]
- No matter how hard Pin Missile/Poison Sting/etc hit you, do not complain about how ‘an arrow to the knee’ has ‘ended your journey’.]] (DarkSoulAngel2001’s appendices)
(Posted to celebrate this post winning The Pokeumans 2013 Awards for Best Non-Story. Thank you very much, and keep sending in those entries!)Update H:Character Specific:
- Do not attempt to make Milton and Scott confused by calling them by each other’s names.
- Mike is not allowed near a Cards Against Pokeumanity deck again.
- Do not encourage Larry the MC to take up opera singing.
Do not encourage Larry the MC to take up thrash metal.
Do not encourage Larry the MC to make a Let’s Play series.
- Cecil Moss is not to chase the kids around pretending to be Mr. X anymore.
- It is better to plead forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Cameron Stevens.
Or Mike the Ditto.PRT Style:
- Do not go around all the Trainees handing out red shirts.
- On retrieval missions, any use of ‘Gotta catch ‘em all!’ will get your license revoked. (MarveHero977’s appendix)
- Suitable clearance questions do not include: ‘Who is OP?’, ‘What number am I thinking of?’, ‘What’s that smell?’, ‘When do narwhals bacon?’, ‘What’s the name of Commander Cuczoff’s pet cat?’ (which is hereby noted to not exist, so stop asking) or ‘How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?’General:
- The number of Pokeumans it takes to change a lightbulb is one. No more, no less.
- Watching classic Disney moves is not counted as Fairy type battle training.
Tinkerbell was not ‘the biggest damn badass you ever saw’.
- Do not go in the showers and then scream ‘I’m melting, I’M MEEELLTING!’ to scare people.
Definitely don’t do this in the lava showers.
[[- No matter how much Nurse Joy says it in the games, the proper procedure for patient dismissal does not
include "We hope to see you again soon!"
On a related note, the next doctor to use "Doctor House would do it" as justification for a medical procedure will
be held accountable for the results.
- "The Harlem Shake" is not
Neither is the "Numa Numa Dance."
- Being a ghost-type does not
give you the right to act like a Weeping Angel. The traumatized newbies are willing to testify to this.
The same goes for Slenderman imitators.
- Being a Psychic type does not make you a wizard/witch.
Also, the move "Telekinesis" is not "Wingardium Leviosa."
* Saying the move’s name is not necessary, therefore there is no need to argue over pronounciation. (My own addition)
Mr. X is not under any circumstances to be referred to as "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."
- Beating a dragon-type in the arena and standing on their unconscious body does not make you The Dovahkiin.
- As a Banette, if you are creepy/evil/insane/sadistic enough to say "Do you want to play with me?" directly behind someone in a really scary voice, you are no longer allowed to complain about "unprovoked" attacks.
- To Delibirds: You are not Santa Claus. Stop trying to sneak into people's dorm rooms on Christmas Eve.
- Porygons are not "secretly working for Skynet."
- It is not appropriate to play the Jaws theme whenever a Sharpedo or Garchomp approaches.
Neither is playing the Transformers theme around Steel-types.
- Skitty does not have a "weapons-grade cute factor" to use against enemies.
In the cases of all of the above, the "cute doggy eyes," while not an official
attack, is surprisingly effective against most non-brainwashed enemies.
Peter the Gengar does not have a “weapons-grade vocabulary”. (My own addition)
- No matter how many times people try to do it, tricking ghost-types into testing their "ethereality" with the ceiling fan is not acceptable.]] (TheEeveeWarrior is still at it)
- ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks’ is not going to change Asula’s mind.
- Walking around with grey contact lenses, an emotionless expression and not reacting to anyone who passes by will
get you a detention.
- Stop making comments along the line ‘You know what they say about Lucarios with big spikes…’
- Breathing fire is cool. Please stop experimenting to see what other orifices you can make fire come out of too.
- [[Charizards are not Smaug’s children.
- Do not try and replicate dubstep with voice related attacks.]] (Smi018’s appendices)
- Do not blindfold Fire types to lead them to a ‘surprise party’ in the swimming pool. (18moffitc’s appendix)